What an asshole
Is there anything more silly than people who, against all evidence, wake up on new years day, proclaim “new year - new me!” and go to the gym three times before resuming their old life?
It’s nice that they’re here to mock because doing so is a quick way to bury the terror that we’re doomed by our foundational nature and habits to continue making the same mistakes forever, to continue falling short of our own expectations, forever.
Luckily, that’s bullshit
I’m not sitting down here to write a self-help book, but I do have a simple point I want to make: While New Year’s Resolutioners are probably misguided about how fundamental personal growth occurs, that growth does happen.
It happens a lot.
It happens to everyone you know.
It happens to you.
And you can push that growth in the direction you want it to go. And, by practicing, you can even get better at doing it.
Figure out what makes you tick.
There are a lot of things that I – Pat Dennis – should do, should want to do, should care about. Things like being tidy, working normal hours, and promptly (ever) responding to emails.
The only way I’ve made progress there is by abandoning the idea that I should do these things because I want to do these things.
Sure, I want to do them in some overriding sense that they would make my life better, but the version of me that walks around all day sure as hell doesn’t want to do them.
Admitting and accepting this fact, instead of getting frustrated by it, is the only thing that let me build systems that let me work around who I am – and get better.
Having an honest discussion with myself about what drives me was the only thing that lets that happen. This is probably going to result in you admitting things that most people would find – if for some ungodly reason you told them – extremely unflattering about you. But sorry, it’s who you are.
Keep changes small
There’s a great body of literature out there about building habits that stick. I won’t try to repeat it here. But the main thing I got out of it is that you should make extremely, extremely small changes, and set absurdly tiny goals.
Set the bar so low that you trip over it.
When I started powerlifting, what goal did I set for myself? Squat twice my body weight?
No.
The goal I set for myself at first was – and I am not making this up – to set foot in the gym once.
Not work out! Not even put weight on the bar! Just touch the carpet.
That’s literally what I did. I went to the gym, stood there for a second, and literally walked out and went home.
And it was vital! One of the biggest barriers to going to the gym, for me, which I learned from having a lot of honest conversations with myself, was the going part of ‘going to the gym’. Figureing out where it is. Figuring out whether or not it will be extremely crowded when I want to go. Getting there. Will my keycard work? Where is the locker room?
Be generous with yourself
As an adult, you’re supposed to just be able to figure that stuff out, right? No. I’m not an adult, I’m me.
If you’re not generous with yourself, it feels like a childish failure. Going to the gym and immediately walking out. But it’s the foundation of a real habit! One I’ve kept up for years at this point.
It’s easier and harder than you think
These little admissions, these little habits, ultimately – they add up to what the new years resolutioners are looking for. Small changes lead to big changes. Big changes change your life, and who you are. But it’s long-term accumulation of small choices, self-honesty, and forgiveness, practiced every day, that build the base of making it happen.